You know you’re in Africa when…

09 Jan 2011 3 Comments

by danrennt98 in Uncategorized

Happy New Year Everyone! 2011 is starting off as a wonderful year, though it is a bit scary and intimidating that I will be spending the entire year in Uganda. We kick started it with a trip to Jinja and a day spent on a beautiful island on the Nile, which I will write about in my next post. I got a major sunburn, and now my entire back is peeling [TMI? no such thing in my book], but it was still worth it.

The power was out from Thursday until about an hour ago. Which is unusual for the power to come back on a Sunday, as you will see from my list. I ran out of books to read and all my electronic devices were dead. And no power means no water [which is pumped by electricity], which means I couldn’t even be productive and wash my clothes or clean the house. So, in my infinite boredom of this weekend, I created this list in one of my Journals.

I know I’m in Uganda/Africa:

- When we go to a professional meeting/workshop for Managers and Chairpersons (of the Board of Directors) of all SACCOs (reminder: Savings and Credit Cooperatives, e.g., a Credit Union) that is conducted under a mango tree on the property of a primary school where the only seats available are primary school benches

[Backstory: This town, Namasagali, was my manager's hometown where she married her husband. My manager, Edith, and her husband made it a top priority to do well for themselves and make sure that ALL of their children were educated up to a Bachelor's degree level (One is now a lawyer, another studying Information Technology, another still in high school, and several more that all have degrees and are doing quite well for themselves). Hence, most of the people in Namasagali currently are Edith's relatives. They were jealous/angry that Edith's children were educated and their children were not educated. So, they were very mean and discouraging about staying on the land that her father-in-law had given to them (it is tradition to give your son a piece of land when you get married). So, they moved from Namasagali to Kamuli town, where they currently reside. They donated the land to the town to build a school. This was the school where we had the meeting. I think it was a bit awkward for her because most people in the village were related to her.]

- When on the way to the meeting Edith stops at her house to pick something up (we were already a half hour late), she comes back with fly fishing boots, a machete and a bandana. I think, “Okay.. whatever.” On the way home, we drive in a different direction basically on a footpath [2 ft. wide] deep in the bush (in a sedan, mind you) where she stops for 15 minutes to cut the grass at her farm with her machete and fly fishing boots, so she can bring the grass home to feed the goats at her house in town.

- When we arrive at said meeting one hour late and that’s when they are just about to plan the agenda for the meeting, starting at around 12:15 (the invitation said starting at 11). Being an hour late is like coming early.

I know I’m in Uganda/Africa:

- When people sometimes greet me in Arabic and I know how to respond in Arabic.

- When I get a package from my Aunt Sharon (thanks!), who used bags and paper towels as fillers, and I kept the bags and paper towels, because paper towels don’t exist here. And bags are useful for trash (trash bags don’t exist either). Sometimes I keep the boxes too, if they are still in decent condition when they arrive here.

- When walking on the side of the road (no sidewalks, duh!) and I hear the honk of a car, truck or motorcycle from behind, and I don’t look back to see what is honking, I just move closer to the edge of the road without even thinking.

- When there are always either chickens, goats, cows or ducks right outside my house and I don’t live on a farm.

- When I greet people on the street and I say “Hello” and they say “Bye” or “I am fine”

- When people are scared of puppies.

- When instead of saying “I’m scared of them”, people say “I fear them” or “I am fearing it”

- When all men over the age of 18 dress in business casual attire, all the time. When you look around town, it’s difficult to find a man wearing a shirt without a collar on it. And if you are over 18, a man can no longer wear shorts [even though people are considered a youth here up to 30]. Women don’t wear pants, they only wear long skirts, dresses, or a gomez (traditional dress). The only exception to these rules is in Kampala, and sometimes Jinja. So to be culturally appropriate, even in the daily 80 degree weather, I wear pants whenever I go into town.

- When I can only use the bathroom and bathe outside. Although bathing outside is quite refreshing, I would still prefer a hot shower.

- When the power company can’t go more than 3 days without a power outage. And usually with the exception being this weekend [Thursday night through Sunday afternoon - power out], if the power goes out after 5 pm on Friday, you’re screwed until Monday morning.

- When a taxi driver drives on the wrong side of the road to avoid potholes, despite oncoming traffic and I think nothing of it.

- When on most days I’d kill for a sandwich or a hamburger, but without a refrigerator, this is not possible.

- When welcome meetings/speeches at workshops take a minimum of a half an hour (usually I am livid when they are over, what a waste of time) and then everyone at the workshop introduces themselves.

- When I have a very, very serious farmer’s tan that is not going to go away until I return for winter 2013.

- When there are waiting benches outside of the ATM.

- When there is always at least 1 banana tree in my line of sight at all times.

- When I find it awkward when I see another white person in my town and I am unsure as to whether or not it would be appropriate to introduce myself simply because the only thing we have in common is skin color. This is especially most awkward for Americans where race is a somewhat taboo/touchy topic.

- When in the morning I am welcomed at the office with “Issukobwire” which, when nicely translated, means “Welcome back from the night.” But literally translated means “Congratulations, you survived the night and didn’t die.”

[Backstory: Waaay back in the day when there was no towns and there were many wild animals roaming the plains/bush/serengeti of Africa, people made houses out of banana leaves, sticks [both for walls] and grass [roofs] rather than mud or brick nowadays. So, the house offered the people little protection during the night from wild animals or feuding tribesmen from nearby villages. This was the origin of this word. During the late 70′s, during the reign of Idi Amin, he would kill people at night so less people would notice, but of course everyone noticed. So, during his time in office, this phrase became a very common daily greeting, meaning “Welcome back from the night, you were not killed by any soldiers or rebels, you are alive.”]

- When the usual greeting “Gybale” means “Thank you for your work”, even though many people are unemployed and quite possibly couldn’t have done a single ounce of work that day.

- When people come around selling fried locusts, fried ants, and fried grasshoppers out of small buckets.

- When the Shell gas station is the only building in town that always has electricity.

- When elections are a dangerous time and people must take extra precautions to stay safe.

- When people think that you can’t get HIV/AIDS by having sex upside-down.

- When I was asked “Is it true that there a law in America that states that you can’t have more than two children?”

- When I come to work everyday and the people ask me [jokingly] about how my Ugandan wife is.

- When my coworkers asked about my American wife, in which I tell them she is too expensive, she wants diamonds. Their response: “You go to the Congo [one of the most dangerous countries in Africa], you get some diamonds, swallow them, fly back to America, drink clothing detergent, wait for them to come out and then you will be rich.” — A Brilliant Plan of Action.

- When I asked my co-worker Issac if he would marry Kim Kardashian [she was on the cover of People that I was reading] and he said “No, she is too old.” [It is considered taboo to marry a woman who is older than the man]. Though he would marry Taylor Swift.

Well, that’s all folks! Though I’m sure there will be more to come. And sometime soon I will post about my New Year’s.

Love,

Dan